Soen ni Natte Ita Osananajimi to Seki ga Zengo ni Natta - Chapter 9 English

 Chapter 9

 “Please calm down a bit!”

 I don't know why, but there's definitely something wrong with Kana, and since it's from the start of the third lesson, the cause might be the conversation between Kashiwagi-kun and his friend, which she listened to with great attention during his 20 minute break.  But I don't know the details.  I remember everything that happened during the 20 minute break to try to find the cause.

 I thought that if I talked about Kana, I might be able to find out what Kashiwagi-kun thinks of her, so I eavesdropped on Kashiwagi-kun and Momoyama-kun's conversation, even though I feel bad about it.  Kana tried to listen from her seat and was completely focused, so I myself quietly listened with my back to Kashiwagi-kun and Momoyama-kun.  I heard around the point where Kashiwagi-kun said, “I haven't spoken to her at all since she told me not to talk to him for the rest of my life until yesterday,” and what I discovered was that Kashiwagi-kun didn't think of Kana as a childhood friend anymore  , and he didn't think she wanted to make up with him at all.  Well, he doesn't seem to openly dislike her or anything, but it's all very subtle.  It's not the worst thing, because I don't think it's a bad thing to be completely unlikable when you think about what Kana has done.  But it doesn't taste good either.

 What should I do?  Should I tell Kana?  Or rather, should I tell her what I heard?  Even if I did, how should I tell her?  Hmmm...

 Just as I was thinking like that, the bell rang.  Kashiwagi-kun and his friends have finished talking about Kana, they've been there for a long time and need to get ready soon.

 So I went back to my seat... How did this happen?  I'm sure she realized this when he called her “Kirishima-san” the first time she spoke to him, and he's clearly avoiding her because he keeps running away from her, even though she doesn't seem to be able to communicate the desire to make up any better due to being constantly avoided.

 “How is that possible, you know… Kota doesn't want to make up with me… She hates me…”

 ...Hm?  I only heard the conversation from the middle, but I wondered if it could be considered that way.  Rather than not wanting to make up, it's more like he can't imagine making up, and I think it's more like he's not interested than he hates her.  It's not a good thing, but I don't feel like he hates her.  I wonder how Kana interprets the conversation.  After all, there was no time for long conversations here, for the fourth lesson was about to begin.

 “By the way, I also listened to Kashiwagi-kun and his friend's conversation, but that doesn't mean he hates you, so stop crying!”


 “I'll tell you about it at lunch break, so stop crying now and head to class for the fourth lesson!”

 "Ah... Alright."

 Kana is a bit bad at studying.  So, if she doesn't listen to the lesson, she will get in trouble during the exam.  Making up is important, and studying too.

 Kana did well in her fourth class, though she occasionally sobbed.  Then, take a lunch break.  Even though Kashiwagi-kun went to Momoyama-kun's seat, it wasn't something we could talk about in class, so we went to the rooftop door, where we went for between the third and fourth lessons and started talking.

 “In the first place, why are you so hurt that you cry while listening to that conversation?”

 “Ugh… because when Momoyama-kun said about making up, Kota said, 'No, no, no, no!' and… He hated me so much that he didn't want to make up with me…”

 ...You didn't hear the whole conversation... I thought she had super hearing, since she had been listening to the conversation from her seat the whole time, but it seemed she could only hear the voice of his childhood friend.

 Well, that's okay.  Whenever Kashiwagi-kun is mentioned, she always acts weird, and that must be important to Kana... But that's why I thought it might not be a good idea to stay like this.

 “Actually, I also listened to their conversation because I thought I might be able to find out what Kashiwagi-kun and his friends think of you, although I feel bad about it.  It sounds like Kashiwagi-kun is rejecting Momoyama-kun's suggestion that Kana might want to make up."

 "Eh... That means..."

 "In any case, I don't think he hates you and never wants to make up with you."

 "Oh that's good..."

 Kana expressed relief.  She seemed very relieved.  It's good to recover from his ...... anxiety.  But that's not good, I thought.

 I think Kana is a good girl.  She may be a little clumsy, but she is proactive and takes me to various places.  I know she didn't mean it, but she has helped me a lot.  I'm really happy to be Kana's friend... That's why I also thought that I should tell her when I think she made a mistake.

 "But, Kana..."


 “Do you realize that you can actually be hated so much?”


 “I didn't hear all the details, but from what I've heard, you must have done something to make him think that you hate him and never want to make up with him again… Before, you were crying because Kashiwagi-kun hated you, but maybe Kashiwagi-kun  also…… no, now I think he's more hurt than you because he doesn't know your reason.  Kana, do you realize what you have done?”

 “Well, that's...”

 “You want to apologize, right?  You say you want to make up, but are you trying to apologize for wanting to make up?  If you're apologizing not because you've done anything wrong but because you want to be friends with your childhood friend again, I think it's disrespectful to Kashiwagi-kun.  I think you should apologize properly and apologize before you make up with him.”

 I felt uncomfortable when I saw Kana cry because she was hated.  I wonder if Kana understands what she has done.  I think apologies should be made with an awareness of guilt and with a sense of apology towards the other person.  When Kana cried, I thought she must have forgotten what she had done.  I felt that she didn't pay attention to the fact that if she got hurt now because she thought she was hated, other people would get hurt too.

 Yesterday I told her to apologize if that's what she wanted to do, but if she's apologizing because she was told to do it, I don't think it makes any sense at all.  Is it wrong if I tell her to apologize?  I used to think that if we were going to make up, I should first apologize properly, but apologizing to make up was wrong.  If you're going to apologize, you have to do it sincerely.  When you apologize, don't let your own greed get mixed up in it, because you want to get along or something.

 "If yes, don't apologize."


 “We still have about 30 minutes for our lunch break, and I think you should think about it.  Today is the day of club activities, and we will talk again later."

 We joined a loose club with only two seniors, who only showed up on Tuesdays and Fridays of the two weekly club activity days, and advisors rarely came to the club.  Normally, Kana and I could work well together, but not today.

Translator: Janaka


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